Unaware

We spent the weekend at the lake, where the wind blew and blew until finally yesterday, in the middle of trying to take down the brand new awning that my dad had installed on the RV I lost my mind and sobbed uncontrollably.

We were trying to get the thing rolled up, and the wind is gusting up to like, 40 mph, and Shell and I are getting pissed at each other because he's thinking what an idiot I am for not doing it right, and I'm thinking what an idiot HE is for not getting it right. So we get to a point where the thing won't roll up, and we can't get it back out where it was before we started, and all I can think of is that we don't have and extra $1000 laying around to pay for a new one. So I called my dad (I think it has been clearly documented here that I am, indeed, 12 years old), got my mom on the phone and started cry-talking about how we were stuck out at the lake with the awning half up and half down and could someone PLEASE come and help us?!?

Lydia hugged me and tried to reassure me that everything would be alright, even adding that I should take some deep breaths, "just like you tell me to do when I'm wound up, mom."

My dad arrived a few minutes later, having been woken up from his afternoon nap, with a smile on his face and a lilt in his voice that conveyed, "this is no problem, we can fix this". And then he did. If he arrived thinking (but not saying) "these have got to be 2 of the stupidest human beings on earth", he would have been right.

We stopped at my parents on our way home, to drop off some laundry and Genevieve waltzed in there and announced, "Mama cried."

Lydia took my mom aside and conspiritorially asked her in hushed tones if my dad had told her about the "deal with the awning", while casting me a sideways glance.

So I realized, if at 2 and 7 years of age my kids can pick up on irrational behavior, it might be time to calm the hell down a little.

Did I mention that while we were waiting for my dad to get there to help us, I was taking an armload of crap out to the car and banged my forehead, cartoon style with little birds flying around my head in a circle, on the awning that was half up and half down. Icing on the cake, my friends.

We did have a good time, despite all of my lunacy. The weather was beautiful for the most part, and we took the girls swimming and out for ice cream. OH! And, and, I found a copy of Uncle Buck for $5 at Walmart and we watched that on Saturday night. God, how I love me some big fat John Candy, may he rest in peace. ("You should see the toast! I couldn't even fit it through the door!)

On Saturday, Genevieve took off her diaper and proceeded to walk around the place, urinating at will. At one point, it was like she and the dog were in a competition to see who could mark the most territories. I thought, "this is great, we'll leave her pants-less for the entire weekend, so she can really get a feel for when she has to go, and I'll just follow her around with the potty chair the whole time." Not so much. I never did catch a drop of urine in the damn potty chair, and after we ate on Saturday night, she climbed up on the 4-wheeler and pooped on the gas pedal. On went the diaper. Grandma got her a 2nd potty chair, a spare if you will, that is a little more portable than the Dora the Explorer one that we have at home. I was cleaning it out yesterday morning, and noticed what I thought was maybe a sensor of some kind down in the hole. Further examination revealed a compartment for batteries. What's this, I thought? So after installing 3 AA batteries, it turns out that this magical potty chair has a motion detector built in, and when urine, or whatever, passes from the kid into the bowl (or "hat" as Genevieve calls it when she's wearing it on top of her head), it plays a very regal "dah da da daaaaaaaah". Like maybe her poop is decended from royalty?

So the basic elements are there - she realizes that we have purchased just about all of the diapers that we're going to in her lifetime, she realizes that she has not one, but two personal toilets (one with music), and she realizes that if she were to ever deposit anything legitimate into either of the personal toilets for real, the fanfare and candy rewards would be never-ending. She also realizes that she has a drawer full of undergarments with Dora the Explorer on them which she calls her unaware (pronounced UN-a-ware), which is exactly what she is when it comes to putting all of this together and actually eliminating into the potty chair.